I feel that I'm being prayed for. It brings me to tears to know what wonderful friends i have. It kills me not telling my family. I wanted to tell my sister tonight, just scream it, that I could be pregnant.
I know I'm being prayed for, because I am losing my doubt and gaining my faith. What a fantastic feeling that is. Tonight I laid on the couch, and thought, I could definitely be pregnant right this moment. I am 5 days past iui.
I have a UTI or Bladder infection right now, I almost wanna say I had this w/Brynlee, but my mind could be playing tricks...I'll look back in my journal tonight.
I will test on the 5th, which is in 6 days. Only six.
I will choose to be positive, I will not doubt the Lord, He blesses me always and proves me wrong daily. Just when i doubt something or worry, he shows me HIS plan, and I'm humbled, and so thankful I'm wrong!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
2dpiui
I'm still here.
Cramping.
It doesnt hurt, it's just there.
I started doubting again last night, so I grabbed Dan and we prayed over it, again...and again, I found peace.
We have 5 million fabulous sperm, and I am learning to be thankful for that.
How 'bout that Oil spill, eh?
Cramping.
It doesnt hurt, it's just there.
I started doubting again last night, so I grabbed Dan and we prayed over it, again...and again, I found peace.
We have 5 million fabulous sperm, and I am learning to be thankful for that.
How 'bout that Oil spill, eh?
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
IUI numbers
10% Motility
120 million pre wash
5 million post wash
Not great numbers at all. I was very bummed. They are blaming it on Dan's hot tub usage. I just kept telling Dan, it's out of our hands, it's in God's hands now.
Tabitha put me in tears by her text, minutes before I laid down on the doc's table. She said the Lord, Our Creator will be in the room with you two. That really put things into perspective for me and made me tear up. Thank you Tab for grounding me.
I will not doubt. God is bigger than me, He's bigger than infertility. I'm giving my worry and doubt to him. Especially for the next two weeks, while i wait anxiously.
120 million pre wash
5 million post wash
Not great numbers at all. I was very bummed. They are blaming it on Dan's hot tub usage. I just kept telling Dan, it's out of our hands, it's in God's hands now.
Tabitha put me in tears by her text, minutes before I laid down on the doc's table. She said the Lord, Our Creator will be in the room with you two. That really put things into perspective for me and made me tear up. Thank you Tab for grounding me.
I will not doubt. God is bigger than me, He's bigger than infertility. I'm giving my worry and doubt to him. Especially for the next two weeks, while i wait anxiously.
IUI Today
Today's the day. I'm incredibly crampy and "full" still. I had 3 follies yesterday, 16, 19, 23. One on one ovary and two on the other, which makes me happy.
My mind is scattered and I'm emotional, but I'm tryin not to overthink.
An hour ago, Dan wasnt goin with me, because he'd be getting 4 hours of sleep if he did. But, without me sayin anything, he said he has to be there, he'd feel wrong. Which made me burst into tears of relief. And an hour ago I was STILL scrambling for a sitter. God answered both my prayers within an hours time. I love Him. This is why HE is my rock, and I place my faith upon Him.
Dan just left for "his" appt at the clinic. I'm praying for his numbers right now. He's been on doxy and l-argenine, hasnt been doing the hot tub, and no alcohol for the last couple weeks. He's nervous, but I told him we've come as far as we can...done all we can do, it's now in the hands of our maker...and I do find peace in that.
My appt is at 11:30am...I'll post back with our numbers.
did i mention my family doesnt know?
My mind is scattered and I'm emotional, but I'm tryin not to overthink.
An hour ago, Dan wasnt goin with me, because he'd be getting 4 hours of sleep if he did. But, without me sayin anything, he said he has to be there, he'd feel wrong. Which made me burst into tears of relief. And an hour ago I was STILL scrambling for a sitter. God answered both my prayers within an hours time. I love Him. This is why HE is my rock, and I place my faith upon Him.
Dan just left for "his" appt at the clinic. I'm praying for his numbers right now. He's been on doxy and l-argenine, hasnt been doing the hot tub, and no alcohol for the last couple weeks. He's nervous, but I told him we've come as far as we can...done all we can do, it's now in the hands of our maker...and I do find peace in that.
My appt is at 11:30am...I'll post back with our numbers.
did i mention my family doesnt know?
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Today I cried.
I'm so frustrated.
I took my clomid late. Accidently. Instead of 3-7, I took it 5-9. My doc said it's totally fine. However, they STILL call me in on day 14. I knew KNEW that I wouldnt be ready to trigger. I pay $110 out of pocket for every u/s, up front.
So THREE ultrasounds later, I am still not ready to trigger. Again, I could have told you this. I'm a slow grower, they know this, but didnt pay attention to my charts.
I'm frustrated because I'm now looking at $330 in unneccesary u/s. I go back tomorrow, I can tell you that I'm not going to grow 5mm overnight.
I have 3 follies. 18,18,19. For my pregnant cycle 3 years ago, I had three also, but were 23,23,22.
I am grateful, so so grateful I have three dominant follies, I really am. Just so frustrated that these appts could have been avoided.
And yes, blessed, so blessed to have three follicles.
Right now, Dan isnt getting any overtime. Which means we squeeze by for every paycheck. So this adds to the stress and worry
My ovaries, ache. ACHE. I feel heavy. The nurse today wasnt very delicate with the dildo cam either, so my ovaries got knocked around by the wand. Lovely. I'm just aching right now. I'm going to up my dosage of estrogen tonight, in hopes I'll grow BIG tonight.
I'm so frustrated.
I took my clomid late. Accidently. Instead of 3-7, I took it 5-9. My doc said it's totally fine. However, they STILL call me in on day 14. I knew KNEW that I wouldnt be ready to trigger. I pay $110 out of pocket for every u/s, up front.
So THREE ultrasounds later, I am still not ready to trigger. Again, I could have told you this. I'm a slow grower, they know this, but didnt pay attention to my charts.
I'm frustrated because I'm now looking at $330 in unneccesary u/s. I go back tomorrow, I can tell you that I'm not going to grow 5mm overnight.
I have 3 follies. 18,18,19. For my pregnant cycle 3 years ago, I had three also, but were 23,23,22.
I am grateful, so so grateful I have three dominant follies, I really am. Just so frustrated that these appts could have been avoided.
And yes, blessed, so blessed to have three follicles.
Right now, Dan isnt getting any overtime. Which means we squeeze by for every paycheck. So this adds to the stress and worry
My ovaries, ache. ACHE. I feel heavy. The nurse today wasnt very delicate with the dildo cam either, so my ovaries got knocked around by the wand. Lovely. I'm just aching right now. I'm going to up my dosage of estrogen tonight, in hopes I'll grow BIG tonight.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Today, after explaining that in order to get pregnant, we must iui, a friend said those dreaded words.
JUST RELAX AND IT'LL HAPPEN! IT DID FOR ME!
I was so in shock, my only reaction was, oh if it were only that easy, we must inseminate to get pregnant.
I need a whitty comment to say next time this happens. I had always heard of ppl saying that, but it's been years since someone said it to me.
JUST RELAX AND IT'LL HAPPEN! IT DID FOR ME!
I was so in shock, my only reaction was, oh if it were only that easy, we must inseminate to get pregnant.
I need a whitty comment to say next time this happens. I had always heard of ppl saying that, but it's been years since someone said it to me.
Cycle Day 10
Done with Clomid. I guess I had a bug on Monday because I'm totally fine now ( it's not the clomid )
Still doin Estrodial ..Saturday is my trigger, not sure what'll happen after that.
Bryn has been testing my patience hardcore, in the last couple of days. She just chose not to listen to me yesterday. At all. It was miserable. She got out of bed nearly every 15 minutes for 2 hours. I finally found her asleep in the upstairs landing. I'm tired of her waking up at 5:23am. It's no good. It doesnt matter what time she goes to bed either. Booooo.
The busyness of summer is starting early for us. Preparations for my sisters grad party, appointments, birthday parties, building daybeds for the backyard, keeping up the yard, MOPS is ending ( and I decided not to go back next year ), Bible Study, George coming home for a week, Grad Parties, Weddings and so much more. And that's just in the next 3 weeks.
With all those distractions from IF, I do have to remember to keep God first, and pray that I'm doing his will!
Still doin Estrodial ..Saturday is my trigger, not sure what'll happen after that.
Bryn has been testing my patience hardcore, in the last couple of days. She just chose not to listen to me yesterday. At all. It was miserable. She got out of bed nearly every 15 minutes for 2 hours. I finally found her asleep in the upstairs landing. I'm tired of her waking up at 5:23am. It's no good. It doesnt matter what time she goes to bed either. Booooo.
The busyness of summer is starting early for us. Preparations for my sisters grad party, appointments, birthday parties, building daybeds for the backyard, keeping up the yard, MOPS is ending ( and I decided not to go back next year ), Bible Study, George coming home for a week, Grad Parties, Weddings and so much more. And that's just in the next 3 weeks.
With all those distractions from IF, I do have to remember to keep God first, and pray that I'm doing his will!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Blech.
Clomid sucks for me this time around. I'm on day 2 of 100mg and I FEEL like i'm in my first few weeks of pregnancy, super nauseous and achy. I'm literally trying to choke down my lunch, consisting of 15 almonds, 1 string cheese, and a cup of applesauce...and THAT is a struggle.
I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about how scared I am to be very sick w/pregnancy and taking care of my 2 yr old. As of today, just with this clomid, I'm parenting from the couch. Dan was sweet enough to let me nap for an hour before he went to bed for the day. I dont want to be a slug for my first half of pregnancy, like I was with Bryn.
So i'm choosing to fight this battle early, and just simply pray that the Lord will give me peace about it, and that I wont be as sick.
I've been having a lot of thoughts lately about how scared I am to be very sick w/pregnancy and taking care of my 2 yr old. As of today, just with this clomid, I'm parenting from the couch. Dan was sweet enough to let me nap for an hour before he went to bed for the day. I dont want to be a slug for my first half of pregnancy, like I was with Bryn.
So i'm choosing to fight this battle early, and just simply pray that the Lord will give me peace about it, and that I wont be as sick.
Friday, May 14, 2010
May 14, 2010
Testing, Testing, is this thing on? Good night it's been forever since I've written on here. I'm so busy with the "other" blog and writing in Bryn's baby book every week, I've neglected this. Which is ok.
Soo I'm back. Ready to journal about secondary infertility, the goings on of my household, and hoping I'll come out of this thing pregnant, soon.
Long story short, I didnt think we'd wait/take this long to get pregnant for number 2. Bryn turned 2 in January and it's flown by, as you moms know. I've worried and worried and gained weight and worried some more over the last 2 years, that I will have difficulty getting pregnant again. So it's no surprise to me that I'm not pregnant on my own, without the intervention of medical treatments.
This time around it's more expensive. The plus side? We have a plan, the docs have a plan, but God has a bigger plan. The Lord likes when we have plans, but only when they involve Him. So my prayer is that it is God's will for me to be pregnant in 2010. I have a positive feeling that it'll be sooner than later though. We are much more aggressive this time around. I was very focused on doing an IUI when it was the right time for US. Whether it was money, or vacations to work around, or a certain month I didnt want to be huge in, blah blah blah. It hit me, I was doing it again. Trying to control, instead of opening my ears and listening to what my creator has in store for us. Afterall, we all know his timing IS perfect.
So the update.
Ovaries are good, still a little pcos, but nothin to be medicated about ;)
Dan's on his stuff, I'm on my stuff ( clomid,estrogen,progesterone,mucinex,vitamins,trigger and possible iui )
and that's all she wrote...for tonight.
Soo I'm back. Ready to journal about secondary infertility, the goings on of my household, and hoping I'll come out of this thing pregnant, soon.
Long story short, I didnt think we'd wait/take this long to get pregnant for number 2. Bryn turned 2 in January and it's flown by, as you moms know. I've worried and worried and gained weight and worried some more over the last 2 years, that I will have difficulty getting pregnant again. So it's no surprise to me that I'm not pregnant on my own, without the intervention of medical treatments.
This time around it's more expensive. The plus side? We have a plan, the docs have a plan, but God has a bigger plan. The Lord likes when we have plans, but only when they involve Him. So my prayer is that it is God's will for me to be pregnant in 2010. I have a positive feeling that it'll be sooner than later though. We are much more aggressive this time around. I was very focused on doing an IUI when it was the right time for US. Whether it was money, or vacations to work around, or a certain month I didnt want to be huge in, blah blah blah. It hit me, I was doing it again. Trying to control, instead of opening my ears and listening to what my creator has in store for us. Afterall, we all know his timing IS perfect.
So the update.
Ovaries are good, still a little pcos, but nothin to be medicated about ;)
Dan's on his stuff, I'm on my stuff ( clomid,estrogen,progesterone,mucinex,vitamins,trigger and possible iui )
and that's all she wrote...for tonight.
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