42lbs gone. I'm so close to 50 I can taste it. I so badly want to see that on the scale by the end of the month. It'll be tough. I've been fighting cravings lately and have been so hungry all the time. Workouts have been good though, I've been good at taking my vitamins and supplements and doing my protein shake after workouts, so if I keep that up, the pounds should budge.
Dan has completely changed his diet as well, and lost weight, and is now building muscle. It's fun to see him change. Not to mention he hasnt had an antacid since January ( he'd take them daily...)
I've been feeling the need to purge lately. I'm sick of "stuff." I often get disgusted at the amount of "things" we have and dont need. I'm getting more aggressive with getting rid of baby stuff, and have started a garage sale pile in the garage. Sell off a bunch of stuff, and put it in a missions account. I'm praying the Lord opens the doors for me to join Dan in Africa next year and provides the funds for it.
Have I mentioned I have the best neighbors ever? We party together, our kids play together, their kids babysitt, we play games, we have a bible study, we prank, we help eachother...the list goes on and on.
I must say, there's been quite a few different reactions to our news of not doing treatments again. Not bad or anything, just different. But I can say everyone agrees that Brynlee truly is a miracle baby. It's not that I'm "fixed" because we made this decision. That pain is still deep in me, and my longing for another child will always remain. I was cleaning out Brynlee's sock drawer and stuffed in the back were a pair of my favorite 3-6 month socks. And I lost it.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Infertility News
I havent blogged about IF in a while, so here it goes.
After much prayer and thought, Dan and I have decided we will NOT be doing IF treatments again. We just feel that after 6 inseminations, and thousands more to spend to try again, we just cant and wont. But most importantly, we feel like the Lord is telling us no. I dont want this to be in our hands, and when we get aggressive with treatments and get into that schedule and commitment, I feel like I'm controlling this whole thing, without listening to God. Does that make sense? I realize he's always in control, but we want him to absolutely have the reins. We're tired of having to make decisions. If we TRULY want to give it to Christ, we feel like doing treatments isnt the answer.
I'm in a very, very different place then I was a year ago. Even though every fiber of my being wants to have another, the Lord has givin me peace and a different perspective, that I honestly thought was impossible.
If Bryn is truly our one and only, this will change the way we view life, and how we live. This is what I mean...
Everything we will do is for her. Every single decision we make, should be to better her future. ALL this is for her. How has this changed, you ask? Well for the last 3 years we've been living with restraint, I feel. Planning around treatments, spending thousands on treatments, wondering when and if it's going to happen, asking a million questions and raising our fists in the air. No more living on the "what if" thoughts.
I've been taking the difficult steps of selling off Bryn's baby stuff. It's difficult because of the memories, obviously, but moreso because by selling it, in my mind, it's like giving away the hope I had. But oddly enough, I feel good about it, another step to letting God take over. They are just material meaningless things, afterall.
So that's the news. You wont be hearing me speak of 15dpiui or clomid or shots or 2 week wait anymore. It's so bizarre to type that. Dan and I were so emotional about it this week, but in a good way. Chapter closed.
We are truly, truly giving this to God.
After much prayer and thought, Dan and I have decided we will NOT be doing IF treatments again. We just feel that after 6 inseminations, and thousands more to spend to try again, we just cant and wont. But most importantly, we feel like the Lord is telling us no. I dont want this to be in our hands, and when we get aggressive with treatments and get into that schedule and commitment, I feel like I'm controlling this whole thing, without listening to God. Does that make sense? I realize he's always in control, but we want him to absolutely have the reins. We're tired of having to make decisions. If we TRULY want to give it to Christ, we feel like doing treatments isnt the answer.
I'm in a very, very different place then I was a year ago. Even though every fiber of my being wants to have another, the Lord has givin me peace and a different perspective, that I honestly thought was impossible.
If Bryn is truly our one and only, this will change the way we view life, and how we live. This is what I mean...
Everything we will do is for her. Every single decision we make, should be to better her future. ALL this is for her. How has this changed, you ask? Well for the last 3 years we've been living with restraint, I feel. Planning around treatments, spending thousands on treatments, wondering when and if it's going to happen, asking a million questions and raising our fists in the air. No more living on the "what if" thoughts.
I've been taking the difficult steps of selling off Bryn's baby stuff. It's difficult because of the memories, obviously, but moreso because by selling it, in my mind, it's like giving away the hope I had. But oddly enough, I feel good about it, another step to letting God take over. They are just material meaningless things, afterall.
So that's the news. You wont be hearing me speak of 15dpiui or clomid or shots or 2 week wait anymore. It's so bizarre to type that. Dan and I were so emotional about it this week, but in a good way. Chapter closed.
We are truly, truly giving this to God.
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