Cd1

If this cycle doesn't work, I'm jumping out of a plane at 13000 feet

Rollercoaster

Ok so here's the deal. It's been a rollercoaster the last 2 days. I'm ready to go crazy.
I received the meds, however, 6 out of 7 vials were expired ( she didnt realize )
So I spent last night in a panic. Left a lengthy message on my RE's voicemail, cried in bed and dove into the Word, and prayed. That IS all I could do. My prayer was that that one vial would be enough, and if it wasnt, that we could still, somehow, go on with this cycle without skipping. ( My period hasnt started yet, but I'm betting it'll be here by Sunday )

So 9am on the dot, my nurse calls me ( i apologize for calling so much these last 2 days )and says that one vial of Follistim is no way enough.

I ask, ok Julie, what am I to do? I cant scratch this cycle, I'm already emotionally invested. I even cancelled a vacation and sold stuff on craigslist in prep for this iui, this will be the most expensive cycle we've done in our 15 months. She said she'll put in an prescription for another vial of follistim, hcg and doxy for Dan. We'll just have to pray that I do indeed only need 2 vials ( 600 ius )..I'll have to overnight them from a specialty pharmacy, and I'll be shelling out $400.

Obviously I have mixed feelings about the whole thing, but the Lord DID answer my prayer last night, and that was to have a solution by this morning, and that the cycle would not be cancelled. Julie did NOT want me to go back on Clomid whatsoever ( I had asked her to pair follistim w/clomid ) because it'd be backtracking.

I have so many more hoops to jump through, it's amazing how a cycle can literally be hour to hour. So this is what my "schedule" will look like...

CD1: Dan Doxy
CD3: Ultrasound and Sonohystogram and possible Stim Consult with another Doc
CD3-11: Follistim Shots ( with E2 checks and ultrasound )
CD?: HCG Shot at home/Progesterone start
CD?: IUI

Thanks for the support and kind words .. it means the world that you take the time to comment :)

To God be the Glory

24 hours ago I was all gloom and doom.
Then my dear friend Liz emailed me with an offer that made my jaw drop. She had injectables that she will not be using ( because she's now pregnant..YAY )...the catch was, it was not the injectables that my doc wanted me on. After a late night voicemail to my doc/nurses explaining that I was given meds, I was left to wait today for the phone call to see if he'd agree to allow me to go forward.
My nurse called all excited for me saying the doc is going for it, and we CAN do an iui this cycle. I'm sobbing writing this. You have all these scenerios in your head of how you could fix a problem and then God comes in and shows you one you had not thought of. Because our brains are small and we're human.
I still have to have an SHG done, meet with the Stim Doc and order my hcg pronto, but that's nothing.

Liz Veh, you saved the day. People were praying for a miracle last night and he used YOU as an instrument to solve this. Love you long time.

This will be so different from anything i've done because ALL the medicating is done from home. Even the trigger shot. I'll just go in for my follie checks and iui. How awesome.

Shame on me for putting God in a box. Shame on me for doubting his abilities. He IS faithful. I'm a living example of how up and down our faith can be, but just hang on. HANG ON.

I'm blessed, and relieved. Dan's going to crap his pants when he finds out what's goin on.

Just another thought

I looked at Bryn tonight and thought, I will do everything in my power to have another.The JOY she brings is out of this world. I hurt often, I had a good cry today, but I'm so so thankful to have her. I've always said I'll exhaust my resources before I give up. But naturally I wonder about God's plan, and I pray PRAY that He will tell me when to stop. I even asked my doc today, is there a point when you wont allow me to do another iui? He said no. We know you can get pregnant.

On a  much lighter note, for all you "pregnant in heels" watchers, doesnt she kind of drive you nuts? Am I normal? I think she can be incredibly rude and awkward. I would feel so uncomfortable around her.

Well that didnt go how I thought it would. At all.

I'm moving up to injectables. This is new territory for me, I had to educate myself on it. I'll be on Merional, which with the other drugs will be over $700. I have to order them from England of all places.

Even more bad news was that friggin volcano is stopping/delaying flights, there is no way they'd make it here on time. I could order in the US, but it's literally 70% MORE to order. I'm so overwhelmed.

Then he wants to do a SHG at the start of my June/July cycle.

I have to skip this cycle. June/July is our next IUI, then we have to skip July/August because Dan will be in Africa. I'm so scared.

So ya. If anyone wants to donate Merional Injectables or an HCG shot, holler atcha girl. Because I'm desperate. I have to order my meds in the next week.

Pray for it all. I'm so exhausted.

Appt tmrw

As my cd1 rapidly approaches, I am meeting my doc tomorrow morning. We'll discuss protocol and if there's any meds he wants me to change. I'm excited and terrified for this iui, which will likely happen in three weeks. Please please remember Dan and I in your prayers, let's pray this is the one. Magic number 16.

Another 2ww

Well our medicated/timed intercourse cycle is done. Now the lovely 2ww.
We went to minnesota last week, so stressful, I'm sure it'll interfere with this cycle. We used the ol' softcup method. Now THAT was interesting. But it was something different and the last hurrah til our next IUI just weeks away.

We're doin a Beth Moore study at Bible Study, and although I'm not a fan of how loud she is when she speaks, or the long drawn out points she makes, I did catch a few nuggets.

Do you believe that God is a giver or a taker? I found myself asking this question, and I can say that I'm guilty of fearing he'll take something away. Waiting for the next shoe to drop. Like, if I ever get over this battle with infertility, what will he take from me next? It's an awful way to live, right? I get nervous and anxious when things are going too right.
 I too am guilty of thinking, if I love something to much ( my daughter, my family, my house etc ) will he take that from me because I love it too much? It was truly eyeopening for me. I cant live this way anymore. He gives and gives and gives, and I do give him great thanks in my prayers, and yet throughout the week I think of what I dont have. Another baby.

It took 16 months to conceive Brynlee.

June will be our 16th month of trying for baby #2.

Cd10 and mothers day

Clomids done. Estrogen began cd8..I took a doxy last night. Today I missed church due to nausea and angina. Yuck. But I had my whole family over and Dan n suz made us steak, corn on the cob, salad and BBQ shrimp. Yum.

I feel so honored to be a mom. It's seriously such a privilege to be Bryns mom. I can't wait to fly with her this week, just the two of us.

And I love my own mom. She's a huge part of who I am, and I'm thankful we are close.

Congrats Tab!

My wonderful friend Tabitha gave birth to her daughter, Scarlett Grace, yesterday.
Tabitha went through MULTIPLE IVFs and years of failure, so she is on cloud 9 right about now. She's quite the inspiration and a true woman of faith, I admire and love her greatly.
Tab-expect a visit from us this summer :) I need some california in my life.

Clomid turns me into a bear. And it takes away any patience I have. And it takes away from a restful sleep, even WITH ambien.
So I need to vent a bit.

Brynlee is backtracking. She wets her pants alteast once a day, just out of shear laziness. Or something. I dunno. I HATE it. She's been fine for a year. And now this?

Bryn is now saying Oh My Gosh. And I hate it. I feel like the worst mom. I hate hearing a 3 yr old say those words. Just another reminder of how I need to hold my tongue.

Dan's working massive hours this week to prep for our trip next week. So I see him for 2 hours a day, if I'm lucky. But he has to. We need the cash.

I worry about my dad and his health. Constantly.

I am praying ahead of time for next weeks visit with the inlaws.

I have a friend that uses me. And she's long distance. And I'm not the only one she uses, and she's clueless as to how selfish she is. It's really exhausting.

The good news is the sun is out.

Sex Ed: But where do their legs go?

You guys have to take the time to read this. My friend Leah sent it to me and I was so intrigued, and it's hilarious. ( a 9 yr old learning about sex )

http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2011/apr/23/sex-education-julia-sweeney