Cd1. 4.29

Boy did she make her appearance yesterday .. I was out for the count thanks to crippling cramps.

We decided we will do a medicated cycle with some new things at home this cycle, not that it's worked before but I just happen to have the meds for it. So I start clomid 100mg tomorrow cd3 to 7 then estrogen and progesterone later. Please be praying. I haven't been myself lately.

Here comes my period. Ugh.

This is ridiculous.

I was looking for swimsuits online, and clicked on google images. After several pages it got a lil scary but I clicked on this one picture because it looked off. Sure enough, it was from walmart. No surprise there ( I HATE Walmart, I've gone in there ONE time in the last 4 years )
Look how bad these images are photoshopped. These are Straight from the site, I didnt alter them. You gotta laugh.

I've known this gal for a few months now, and while I was explaining infertility to her and what's been goin on with us, she told this story that I've heard a million times too many.

" My sister in law tried and tried for over a year to get pregnant"..what was her diagnosis? " Well they didnt know exactly, but they gave up, relaxed and went to Mexico for a vacation, and she wound up pregnant!"

It has NOTHING to do with relaxing.

Would you tell a blind man to relax, and you'll see tomorrow? I think not.

What a weekend.

Had a wild weekend...Saturday was spent taking out a hedge in my backyard, followed by laying out/playing a game with my sister in the 68 degrees, followed by a phone call which led us to the hospital..my 90 yr old nana took a nasty fall creating a HUGE bump ( size of my fist ) on her head. So I spent 6 hours at the hospital and back at her assisted living home trying to give comfort measures to her, but she's got dimensia and onset alzeimers so you're having to remind her what happened all the while reminding her that her husband has been gone for 6 years( because she was asking multiple questions about him every 5 min ) and trying to calm her down, while clothing her, taking her to the restroom multiple times, trying to get her to eat and drink. It was physically and emotionally taxing, let me tell you. I have a new found respect for elderly caretakers. I was giving high praise to the women back at her assisted living home.

I'm trying to explore volunteer options to be a pro bono doula for homeless or abused women. I thought, man I've been givin the talent and skills to help people and I'm not using it to my full advantage. Even if I could be that support or educator to a teen, or an abused woman about child birth, I'd be a big deal for me....and them. So that's what I'm praying about right now, as well as getting some fall clients. I truly believe I can make a difference in the birth room. It's been proven!

I hope everyone enjoyed their Easter. I'm so thankful for my Lord. He is risen indeed!

Minnesoooooota ( said with thick accent )

21 days til we venture off to Minnesota. We are surprising Dan's sister for her college graduation and flyin out. Dan will be taking an earlier flight than us on another airline because he had a voucher ( for assisting a man with a medical issue on board our flight to mexico ) So i'll be armed with the ipad, snacks and a change of undies for Bryn juuuuuust in case. I swear she has overactive bladder syndrome. She's been having quite a few accidents lately, she'll all of a sudden be in a panic to go pee and cant make it to the bathroom. It's frustrating for her.

Anyways, Minnesota is cold right now. Snowing, everything is still brown and dead and that is an issue with me. However, I'm just glad to get away, and play with Bryn and Dan on the Waletzko farm. It's been a couple years since I've been back. Things are verry slow paced back there so I tend to be bored, but hopefully Dan and I can get away for an evening.

We are going to the tulip festival this weekend, I so look forward to that.

On another note, say a prayer for my friend Rachel, she's in the middle of an adoption and we need to pray that the father signs the papers tomorrow.

I don't want this testimony. Ya know, the one with miscarriages and failed fertility treatments? How about the testimony in which a miracle happens and I do get pregnant again. Regardless I will serve the Lord, but I'm exhausted from having that first testimony. And if I do become pregnant again, I of course willbcontinue to encourage, send emails and cards and texts to women still waiting for their miracle. This mission field will always be mine, I just pray the Lord blesses me and uses me as a vessel for his glory.

So in efforts to save for our next IUI and Dan's mission trip to Africa, I'm making a budget. Which I havent done in a year or more.
Thankfully we do not own credit cards, we own our cars and our only debts are student loans and mortgage....however they are hefty payments per month.
I'm goin back to basics. Cash allowance every week on groceries/eating out and setting a limit for "fun money" every month.
I'll still use my ol' rule of, if I buy something for the house, something has to be sold or donated. You'd be surprised at how I pay for most home decor/furniture stuff around the house. I have a talent for buying and selling for profit and never take out of savings.


On the baby front, I was talkin to someone who's gettin hitched this summer about her plan for baby making. She had it alllll laid out. She'll start at this said time (years from now )because this will be happening and this will be happening. She also fired a bunch of info to me that she was obviously uneducated about but I wasnt in a mood to educate her, she's the type that wont listen...and frankly I didnt feel like giving her a dose of reality. Today however, I would have given her that dose. It makes me sad how some people are so ignorant about making a baby.

Cd10

This cycle and last my ovaries have been killing me. I dont know why. Not that it'd make a difference but I may have to take some O tests so I atleast know WHY I am aching.

The nurse suggested I talk to our doc in May, before our June IUI( it's been since july, the nurses do all the work ) to see if he wants to change anything for our 4th IUI.

It'll cost $150 to talk to him for 'bout 20 minutes. Gag. And quite honestly I do not want to change up too much, since our history shows IT WORKS. Upping my clomid is dangerous, I'm already at 100mg, and I get 3 follicles from that. So they wouldnt change that. My progesterone/estrogen intake would be the only other thing to change, but those levels have always been perfect. Dan will be on his oxy and l-argenine.

So please pray for guidance, and that we WONT have to change anything and that my body will react well. Also pray for funds to come through for Dan's Africa Trip and for the IUI. We have A LOT of money to raise.

Bravo's Pregnant in Heels

Anyone else watching "Pregnant in Heels" on Bravo? It's a brilliant brilliant business that Rosie Pope is running. Pregnancy Concierge? It really is ridiculous at the same time. Everything from decorating a nursery, to birth education, to picking out baby names. Seriously, one client had a PANEL of experts to pick out the bold baby name. If we lived in a hoity toity area, I'd be all over this business. This has me written all over it. I mean, decorating to baby education? And getting paid well? Yes.
On another note, Rosie suffers from infertility. She has one son, but after birth it was discovered her uterus is split in half, meaning she can only get pregnant via IVF.So it'll be interesting to see how she integrates that personal info into the show.

http://community.rosiepope.com/blog

Welp. The last of my infertility friends are officially pregnant. One had a fabulous beta on Friday and the other had the ultrasound to confirm. I now have no more everyday friends that are suffering from IF. ( I say everyday because my ministry with IF continues online with women I've never met in real life.)
I'd be lying if I said it werent bittersweet. And ya the thought crossed my mind once again that I'm left behind.

But I have GREAT joy for my friends like Tabitha and Liz, who did IUI's AND IVF's, with years going by and they both are pregnant with their FIRSTS now. Tabitha due in the coming weeks and Liz being newly pregnant. My heart throbs with joy for you. You will make incredible mothers.

I have a friend that is in her 50's and was telling me she waited 10 years to have her second baby, she was 38 when she got pregnant. I went home and cried after she told me that. My heart and body cannot wait 10 years. Not 5. Not 3. I dont want another year of infertility under my belt.

Furthermore, if I ever do get pregnant again, I vow ( like I did w/bryn ) not to complain or whine or forget about friends that are still struggling. Ok I'm done.