Today

Outside my window: darkness and 2 little flowering crabapple trees I planted this month. I'm a sucker for deciduous trees.

I am thinking: too much.

I am thankful for: my hardworking passionate husband, my funny sweet daughter, my siblings, parents, friends, my home and internet. :)

I am wearing: a long black tank and black leggings. i like black, a lot.

I am creating: new friendships, and bad breath as I eat these dill pretzels.

I am going: to catch up on 4 hours of favorite shows I've missed this week.

I am hearing: The sound of Jeff Probst reading the votes on Survivor and Brynlee tiptoeing downstairs.

I am reading: blogs and emails. never books.

Around the house: I find Bryn's hair things, crumbs, and lots of great decor ;)

Plans for this week: Lunch with friends from out of town, finish roman shades for upstairs, paint a dresser, de-moss part of the backyard, plant mums, get together with another friend, possibly make a shopping trip to Portland.

September

It's been an insane 2 weeks. Dan and Bryn went to Minnesota for a week, without me, came back for one day, then I took off to Indiana for family stuff. So you can imagine how badly I missed them. We went to the fair on that day and really enjoyed ourselves.

On top of that, there's been a baby boom among my friends. *sigh* I have major baby fever.

I'll be making an appt for Dan's analysis in the next few days. We have to figure out what the heck is up with his counts and what we can do to increase them. It makes me really nervous.

So now I'm back to being domestic, and refocusing on my weight loss journey.

Cycle day 1

Welp. This sucks. At the very least, THE VERY LEAST, I have a period.

Next up...sperm analysis and IUI in October, if all goes accordingly.

I've got many many things done in the last few days. I leave for Indiana on Thursday for a family wedding/reunion. So I get to be with Bryn and Dan on Tuesday and Wednesday

13dpo

Nope

I'm a wreck. I have not stopped crying since I dropped Bryn and dan off at the airport. To make it worse, Bryn saw me sobbing and kept saying "its ok, momma" with a smile. Being at home alone is always nice for a few hours, but coming home tonight, knowing it'd be empty for a week, tears me apart. I'm seriously a mess. I miss my baby.

12dpo

Negative. Not even an evap line.

I can feel a storm of emotions comin.

Between my ( early ) BFN today and tonight, bad news with money crap, and Bryn leaving with Dan for 6 days, I may just lose it. I could cry at the drop of a hat right now, but I'm holding back. I havent had a good cry since July. Maybe it's time.

Day 11 BFN

Yikes. I accidently posted briefly on YPMTM blog. Oops.

Anyways, Negative today. Day 11. Trigger is out. It's early. Got my last positive on day 13, so I'm still hopeful.

Very Very crampy today. Peeing every 1/2 hour it seems. So now I patiently wait.

Dan leaves tmrw with Bryn to MN. I will test when he's gone, which is weird for me. Meaning I'd even have a beta when he's gone too. Here's hopin.

Today I went to the fair with Bryn and my friend Kelly and her daughter Rhayna who's the same age as Bryn. We walked around for a few hours, ate good food, did some rides with the girls.

I got home and was SO tired. More tired than usual, I could not wait to get into bed. Bryn and I took a nap, and once i laid down I could really feel cramps. So much so that I outloud said "oh, wow"

It's now 10 and I'm cramping again, but i'm sitting down watching tv, so I'm more aware of it.

I made roman shades tonight outta mini blinds, that kept me very busy this evening. I have one more to go, then I'll post on my other blog.

Did I mention I cannot wait to get off Estrogen? Holy crap am I impatient.

I'm 7 days past trigger. I test Tuesday.

Crampy today. Not painful, just there. 6 days past trigger. Sleeping sucks.

Today I'm goin to a plant nursery sale to possibly stock up for the front flower bed, with my mom, then our friends craig and nicole are comin down from seattle to hang out, then going to the opening of the H&M at the mall. Looks like a good day.

4 days past trigger.

Today, once again, I was reminded that infertility is my biggest ministry right now. For years, I felt that worship leading was my ministry, and I took a break from that, only to enter into this one. It's a ministry because it's an opportunity to shed light on other people's IF struggles, and to help them gain the faith that they want to badly. But in return, I have to really keep myself in line, and make sure that MY OWN faith is right on...so in the process of encouraging others, any weak spots I have, get filled.

I was driving home tonight, listening to music and singing with Bryn in the backseat, and a very strong emotion came over me, and it told me that I very well could be pregnant. It came outta no where. I'm back to my headaches and cramps, and although they suck, they are sorta comforting in their own twisted way, because it's what i recognize.

The Lord has been so good in keeping me busy. I'm not only meaning physically, but mentally. This time around, IF isnt controlling my 2ww. I'm not counting down days, I'm not googling the crap out of my day wondering what's next etc. I keep looking at this cycle as my inbetweener cycle. The shits and giggles cycle. The, eh, what the heck, lets go for it cycle. And that's ok with me. That, my friends, is peace.

I have never done this before, never done a FULL medicated cycle without iui. So it's new territory, and that thrills me. I mean, WHAT IF?

In the meantime I continue to pray for people like Liz, who has had multiple failed IVFs, I pray for my Tabitha, who finds out if her baby has a heartbeat next week, I pray for my friend Kelley, who often worries for her baby's health inside her, My friend Michelle, who's lost too many pregnancies and is ready to start cycling again. I have so many friends in SO many different IF categories, it blows my mind. But we all want the same end result.

That's all for now.

I'm full

I am so incredibly full I cant believe it. I feel stuffed with follies since my trigger. We've done the deed a couple times since too. Took mucinex and estrogen as usual.

Spent yesterday at Lake Cushman with the fam, went out on the boat for a few hours. One of those days that if the sun isnt out, you gotta wear a sweatshirt. LOVE.

I got so freakin excited when I realized this is zip up weather. Praise Jesus. I freakin love fall. I cannot say it enough.

Trigger Me

Well, After 2 positive OPKS, Dan gave me a trigger shot tonight. I feel good about it too.
It's CD 14. Still taking the Estrogen. Started Mucinex last night, I'll put Dan on it tonight. He's still doin L-Argenine and Doxy as well.

Today I got a lot accomplished. I layed stepping stones in my front garden, I painted the whole bathroom, took down the light ( dan helped in this ), took down the mirror, made a trip to Lowes, came back with a fabulous clearance mirror and vanity light, bleached the floors and tub, Made 2 desserts ( pineapple cake and cake pops ) for tomorrow at the lake w/family. My bible study friend, Robin, brought me her bodybugg, she's letting me borrow til November 20. I want to lose 20 lbs by then, and she is so graciously letting me borrow this expensive lil guy that the biggest losers use. I also scored a clearance weight watchers digital scale ( my first scale, ever ) for $9.

It's been a GOOD day. I'm tired of spending money. However, it's been on good things. I need more work though. My projects are all done and I need more clients. Workin on that.

Excited to spend the day at the cabin tomorrow.